For several months I have been haunted, disturbed, and otherwise troubled by nightmares. It just isn’t fair. Why should my mind release such negative and disturbing images into a bad dream? Where do the story lines which cause distress originate? Is it because I strive to be good and positive my subconscious reacts in an opposite direction and creates something to make me feel bad?
There may be some psychological reason for this buried in the night a tornado-like wind burst my bedroom window when I was eight years old. Or the fact I felt lonely and an ugly duckling as a child. Or that my heart was broken in to tiny pieces at age twenty-two. But everyone has unpleasant memories. That’s no explanation for my very memorable nightmares.
Come to think of it, bad dreams haunted my childhood. Someone would be chasing me around our house and I would just barely get inside before they caught me. This was a recurring dream. The more common dream as an adult I have experienced is to be somewhere, and not know how to get where I need to be. Often the location is a classroom or locker, and I just can’t find it and will fail the course. Or I exit a building and am on a different street, far from my original location, confused and unable to find my way back.
Many people I encounter say they do not remember much of their dreams. This happens to me occasionally. But more often, when I awaken the dream is foremost in my mind. Perhaps the phenomenon is akin to my not being able to sleep with a radio or television playing. I cannot block it out. Even while watching TV, my husband often ignores the commercials. They bug the peediddle out of me. I notice things he does not see. My attention to these details causes me to become agitated. Thankfully he is willing to hit the mute button during advertisements. Often during programs I don’t care for I just leave the room, unable to tolerate the racket.
My mom would have said, “Shake it off. Don’t let it bother you.” This morning my husband said, “Smile, forget about it.” Sometime I wonder if pushing aside these negative emotions causes them to fester and grow into something worse. Perhaps if I faced them, felt them, and recognized them as representing something which needs to be resolved, the equal and opposite reaction would be for the resolution to be found. Might be worth a shot providing the resolutions are not even more disturbing to my subconscious than the problems.