While writing a book based on my time at college, an attempt to contact everyone who would become a character in the story was made. My friend Nanci, Nan i, as we called her after the iron-on “C” fell off her Superman Tshirt emblazoned with her name, figured prominently in my memories. I was delighted when she sent me an email. However, that moment was bittersweet, as the reading of her words revealed this wonderful person had been diagnosed with terminal breast cancer.

After a few weeks, while taking a break from the chemotherapy and allowing her hair to grow, she agreed to meet with a few of us old college buddies. Before long we were corresponding often. She attended the “Ridin’ Around” book launch as an honored guest. A few weeks later we decided to take a day trip and were having the time of our lives.

While riding along in my midlife crisis Camaro z28 with this dear college friend, we talked and joked and laughed despite having no communication for the previous twenty-five years. She could make me laugh like no other person on earth. Oh, for a transcript of all the quips and jokes we made that day in the car! It was spontaneous, natural, and really funny. However, no recording was necessary for one thing she said. It will forever be a meaningful moment in my memory. Motoring down the highway Nanci turned to me and stated:

“Elaine, I didn’t know if we’d have anything to talk about because I’m not the same person I was back when we were in college. But, you know, I found out, I AM the same person!”

Tears came to my eyes and if I hadn’t been driving, I would have hugged her. Not too firmly though-the cancer had ravaged her body to the point of fragility. We took full advantage of the next few months, until that terrible disease took her spirit from us. Even the last time we met, a few days before her death, we laughed. Well, we were trying not to cry.

So many years can pass by unnoticed and the layers of life seem to separate us not only from our friends, but from our true selves. This memory gives me the courage to throw off those layers and reach out to the people I love no matter how long we have been apart. Because that love, though buried, is probably still there and can thrive if you’ll just let it out.  And, also, you may be older, fatter, grayer or even a bit wiser, but deep down inside, you’re still you.

 

Recently, some work on the big air conditioning units was performed behind brick walls near the building where I go to work. Cranes blocked the driveway and parking spaces and various other inconveniences occurred. But the work was completed. The result cannot be seen, but there is a new phenomenon.  A hum, it is, at a certain pitch and quality to remind one of something specific.

Hummmmmmmmmmmm it goes constantly, as I walk by. Then it hit me. It was the first haunting note in the Steve Miller Band song, “Jet Airliner!” The air conditioning was kicking off the classic rock song. So, of course, I had to continue and break into the song: “Leavin’ home out on the road…thinkin’ about my home…big ol jet air liner, don’t carry me too far away…”

This feeling did not go away, nor did the song, so I found it on youtube to listen. A quick pass through FaceBook found my high school and great musician friend Keith Reynolds to be logged in. Sending him a quick message about listening to the classic rock and needing to tell someone about the weird phenomenon, we got the inspiration to rhyme, and traded writing verses off the proverbial cuff:

Elaine: Thanks go to youtube, they got the greatest hits,
           Whether you like that weirdo Ice Cube, or even a Ballroom Blitz.

Keith:  Steve Miller was the sound I liked, no matter how hard I tried,
           The sounds just kept flowin' by, takin' me to way up to the skies.

Elaine: When the ac unit started hummin,
            I found myself a drummin,
            Fought the urge to break into “Jet Airliner,”
            People would a thunk I'd hit the Shiner.

Keith:  Shiner is a beer, tequila puts you into gear,
           Everclear just makes you queer,
           And bourbon if mixed with all three will bring you where????
           I certainly don't know....

Elaine: And I don't really wanna know,
            Just wanna go out to the show.
            Grandpa's pickin,
            The chicken's finger lickin',
            Let's just dance, let’s GO GO GO!

(Note the song playing during the last verse, “Dance, Dance, Dance,” begins “My grandpa, he’s ninety-five, and he keeps on dancin’, he’s still alive.” So grandpa made an appearance…)

Ain’t it great when the music touches your soul, lightens your mood, brightens your day, and inspires you to be completely goofy? Most times people don’t see me be goofy, but it does happen… here’s a link to the song on youtube and the hummmmmmmmm… Jet Airliner

Regret. Just what causes regret? Often we look back on a situation and see it more clearly than when we were actually facing it. We realize something should have been done, but for some reason we do not act. Emotional issues can be uncomfortable and one might be hesitant to step into another person’s predicament. A famous quote says one should not offer uninvited advice. But our hearts tell us otherwise.

What should we do?

If a person has a conscience, and an answer to  a problem, he will be compelled to help another person facing that same problem. Experience—knowing what someone is feeling in a certain circumstance—is a unique connection between humans who have, and are, facing similar issues.  That connection may allow an interaction which will have a profound effect on both parties. But when that connection is avoided, both people are left in a void. The person with the firsthand experience who fails to act on his compulsion to help another in the same situation will never know what might have happened. He will always wonder if a few words offered to the troubled person could have made
a difference. That is regret.

Conversely, when that personal experience is shared with another in the same struggle you have endured, an emotional connection deeper than almost anything you’ve ever known is created. The
knowledge that someone else understands, and truly knows how he feels is more healing than hours of therapy. No longer feeling alone, he can draw from his ally’s strength, heal, and forge a bond which will never break.

 Why do we not act when we should? Our hearts know what action should be taken, what words should be spoken. Something stops us. Fear. The fear of failure, the fear of ridicule, of rejection, of
embarrassment. Yet, are these valid consequences? What harm does it do to endure  any of those negative possibilities? No skin off your nose, as the saying goes. You tried. If you don’t at least try, regret will result.

Case in point: a former classmate from high school sent me a manuscript to review. I read a little of it and put it off for later. That friendsuddenly died. And I never talked to him about his manuscript. In fact, I still have it, this true story of a grackle who became friends with this man. I heartily regret not talking to him about it, polishing it and putting it out for people to enjoy. And that situation cannot be corrected. He is gone. The  opportunity has passed.

As humans we need each other. I try to do some good deed every day, smile and be pleasant to everyone I meet, and attempt  to positively touch their lives in whatever way possible. Unresolved unfinished business is contrary to our nature. We want a task to be over, done and move on to the next one. Do not let opportunities to help another person pass you by. If you think to take that action later, it might be too late. 

Consider this quote from Zachary Scott – 2/21/14 – 10/3/65, native Texan and actor.

      As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.


© Copyright 2013  Elaine Fields Smith.  All rights reserved.

We used to do the drag. No, not dress in drag. We rode up and down the main street in our town to see what was going on and to say “hey” to people who were “out.” Gas was cheap then and there wasn’t all this electronic entertainment. Heck, if you had cable you were rich. So we rode around. Going to the movies on dollar night was an option, but one had to make a drag before, and after, to make the event complete. My first book, Ridin’ Around is about all that nostalgia stuff. As all old folks seem to say: them was the days.

Now, with friends spread far and wide and gas so expensive, we have Facebook. I can “make a drag” through the newsfeed and see what’s going on, who has been “out” and what they’ve been doing. Or, passing on by, stopping for a second and acknowledging them by “liking” their status, (this is what I call waving) or pulling over and posting in the conversation are all options. And even if they don’t answer my input right away, when it's time to make that drag through later, I’ll see if they said something. Yep, that’s what I like about Facebook. And the fact it saves on fuel.

It’s not as good as talking in person, but the opportunity to converse with such a diverse group is not to be taken for granted. So I interact as is appropriate, or sometimes not so appropriate. One can joke, sympathize, express horror or get on his soapbox. The beauty of it is, we don’t have to listen to all of it. You can just cruise on by.

That’s why I like Facebook better than Twitter. I’m an entertainer, not a news person. Reading the paper for me is concentrating on the headlines, the funnies and the crossword puzzle. Twitter doesn’t have the personal feel for me that Facebook has. Both are good in their own ways, much like chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Some folks only like one, some both, some pass on the whole thing. So excuse me now, I must go “make a drag” before lunch!