Regret. Just what causes regret? Often we look back on a situation and see it more clearly than when we were actually facing it. We realize something should have been done, but for some reason we do not act. Emotional issues can be uncomfortable and one might be hesitant to step into another person’s predicament. A famous quote says one should not offer uninvited advice. But our hearts tell us otherwise.

What should we do?

If a person has a conscience, and an answer to  a problem, he will be compelled to help another person facing that same problem. Experience—knowing what someone is feeling in a certain circumstance—is a unique connection between humans who have, and are, facing similar issues.  That connection may allow an interaction which will have a profound effect on both parties. But when that connection is avoided, both people are left in a void. The person with the firsthand experience who fails to act on his compulsion to help another in the same situation will never know what might have happened. He will always wonder if a few words offered to the troubled person could have made
a difference. That is regret.

Conversely, when that personal experience is shared with another in the same struggle you have endured, an emotional connection deeper than almost anything you’ve ever known is created. The
knowledge that someone else understands, and truly knows how he feels is more healing than hours of therapy. No longer feeling alone, he can draw from his ally’s strength, heal, and forge a bond which will never break.

 Why do we not act when we should? Our hearts know what action should be taken, what words should be spoken. Something stops us. Fear. The fear of failure, the fear of ridicule, of rejection, of
embarrassment. Yet, are these valid consequences? What harm does it do to endure  any of those negative possibilities? No skin off your nose, as the saying goes. You tried. If you don’t at least try, regret will result.

Case in point: a former classmate from high school sent me a manuscript to review. I read a little of it and put it off for later. That friendsuddenly died. And I never talked to him about his manuscript. In fact, I still have it, this true story of a grackle who became friends with this man. I heartily regret not talking to him about it, polishing it and putting it out for people to enjoy. And that situation cannot be corrected. He is gone. The  opportunity has passed.

As humans we need each other. I try to do some good deed every day, smile and be pleasant to everyone I meet, and attempt  to positively touch their lives in whatever way possible. Unresolved unfinished business is contrary to our nature. We want a task to be over, done and move on to the next one. Do not let opportunities to help another person pass you by. If you think to take that action later, it might be too late. 

Consider this quote from Zachary Scott – 2/21/14 – 10/3/65, native Texan and actor.

      As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.


© Copyright 2013  Elaine Fields Smith.  All rights reserved.

July was my birthday month. Right. Not just one day, but a whole  month. When I was a kid there were no birthday parties. Oh, mom always made strawberry shortcake and often we got shrimp to eat. But no party. We were poor and lived pretty far away from most of the people I knew-which wasn’t many. In fact just recently I reached the conclusion that I must be an extrovert. However, as a child, shyness kept me from experiencing many things. Painfully shy is the term. But not now. So I was a shy extrovert then. I’m pretty much over the shyness, but it shows up occasionally. 
 
As Andy Griffith said, we’re driftin’ here so back to the subject. At this point in life, birthdays could be a dreaded affair. Back when I turned thirty-nine, someone asked if I was planning to stay at that age. My response was if I was going to stop, I would have stopped at twenty-nine! The aging process can be disturbing—hence the billion dollar “look younger/stop aging” business. 

But now being over fifty, there’s no denying this aging thing, so why not enjoy it? If my yoga buddies want to have a “birthday tea” after class one Saturday, I’m there. Friends want to go out to dinner, you betcha. Other friends make cakes but can’t deliver, sure I’ll come by and get it. Post a recipe on Facebook a month early with the words “Somebody make this for my birthday” and you’ll get several versions of that concoction. (That plan worked well!)

 Face it, all this cannot happen on one day. Seems like only once per decade or so one can gather a large group of friends for an event. So taking things as they come, and not being picky about when or how, allows one to have a birthday month. This year was great. So many people helped make it special. The husband not only took me to a mall (one of our least favorite places), he went in the store with me to help pick out my gift—good, gold earrings. So all in all, birthday month 2013 was a grand success. And get this, I didn’t even have to give myself a party. The parties were given to me.

Elaine 8/1/13